This Picture Cannot Be Explained

Book Review: Surpised by Hope by N. T. Wright (Part II)

Perhaps I'm just young and impressionable, but I see Surprised by Hope as perhaps the most important book (other than the Bible...kind of...I'll get to that) for Christians to read today. We have a fundamentally awful idea about what salvation and heaven and Jesus and His resurrection are all about.

I ran into this recently while helping with the drama at my church's VBS. We came to the story about Jesus' resurrection and asked some questions at the end, supplied by the book. I asked, "Why was Jesus risen from the dead." The kids - as young as 5, as old as 12 - fairly quickly responded, "So we can go to heaven when we die." If I were to ask most adult Christians the same thing (such as these children's parents or Sunday school teachers), they would respond the same way.

But this is logical non-sequitor. Please explain to me how it follows that because Jesus was risen from the dead we now go to heaven when we die. Paul in his letters tells us that Jesus was a firstfruit, a precursor. So wouldn't you suppose that if Jesus was raised from the dead that we too will be raised from the dead?

Well of course, of course, you may answer. That's what heaven is all about. Huh? Since when did heaven contain human bodies. Are they snatched away once a person is put into a grave or once the casket is sealed shut?

Now neither N. T. Wright nor I are out to disprove the existence to heaven or to say that we don't go there when we die. What we are trying to say is that's not the point. To quote Wright,

...the normal Western Christian view [is] that salvation is about 'my relationship with God' in the present and about 'going home to God and finding peace' in the future...Those of us who have know this tradition all our lives...will recognize [t]his summary as being what most Christians believe and, indeed, what most non-Christians assume Christians believe. And, to make the point once more as forcibly as I can, this belief is simply not what the New Testment teaches.

 I fear that putting such mind-altering stuff into a brief book review might push you away more than pique your interest. For anyone to tell you that Christianity is not about your relationship with God and going to heaven and staying there when you die might just lead you to label that person a heretic. And understandably so. We have been taught all our lives these ideas about having a personal relatinoship with Jesus, escaping earth, going to our mansions prepared for us in heaven. We sing (or write) songs about heaven being our home. "We are citizens of heaven," we may quote from Paul in Phil. 3:20.

And yet we're completely missing the point. So what is the point?

Book Review: Surpised by Hope by N. T. Wright (Part 1)

Each summer since 2006 I read a book that radically shifts or reshapes my worldview. In the summer of 2006 it was A New Kind of Christian by Brian McLaren. This book informed about postmodernism and the emergent church and the joys within. It was controversial, edgy, it pushed some bounderies...and let God out of the rather small box I had placed Him in.

During the summer of 2007 - my summer in Hawaii - I read Dallas Willard's The Divine Conspiracy. This book let me in on the secret that the Gospel had more to do with just Jesus being my personal Lord and Savior. The Gospel is about the Kingdom of God, about God's current reign on earth, the fact that it's here and now and that we are supposed to be enactors of the prayer, "Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven." Where there is pain, let there be strength. Where there is hate, let there be love.

This summer I read N. T. Wright's Surpised by Hope. It was a perfect (seeming) culmination to the previous two. Was the point of salvation really just about going to heaven when I died? Did Jesus really come and die and be resurrected just to insure that I would live with Him forever in heavenly, paradisal bliss?

Nope.

I woke up this morning feeling really sick. Well, actually, I started feel gross last night... sick to my stomach, and kind of achy. I tossed and turned all last night due to chills and aches. And then when I woke up, I could tell that it wasn't any better. I was supposed to work today from 9:30-6. I debated for a while as to what to do. I attempted to get ready, but I was so sick to my stomach that I couldn't stand for too long. I also had a bit of a fever. So, I called in and told Hallmark that I was sick today. I took some tylenol, which helped, and went back to bed.

Suddenly, I heard the doorbell ring, and I knew that my dad wasn't expecting anyone. Who walks in the door, but Anthony!! He was supposed to be at work, but he shifted his schedule around so he could come and be with me! He is so wonderful :) So I think we're going to spend the day being lazy and watching 24. Even though I'm feeling lousy, my heart feels happy.

In other news, we started premarital counseling last night with John Dendiu and his wife, Diane. I think it's going to be really great (if you guys are reading, we really enjoyed it)! It wasn't anything too intense... we mostly talked the whole time about our backgrounds and our story. It will be so good to be challenged and have things to think and talk about. It will also be good to have a couple who we can ask our questions to and who can share their insights.

I officially quit Hallmark yesterday. It's hard to tell how my boss took it... she grew really quiet and didn't say much. I do feel bad that I'm leaving so soon after being hired, but I know that it's for the best. I start my job at Bethel on August 11. I'm excited about it, but a little nervous. I hope I meet their expectations. It's still a bit unreal to me that I now have a full time job. Real life, here I come!

Ok, I should go. Sorry if my writing is hard to understand... I'm still not feeling the best, and I can't seem to write easily.

Adios!

Engagement Pictures

Em and I got some engagement pictures done last week and they're finally up on facebook! You can check them out there. If you don't have a facebook account (uh, hello, this is the 21st century knocking! just kidding) you can still see them here: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2015604&l=11189&id=62400474

I GOT THE JOB!!!

Thank you all for your prayers and support. Truly, I wouldn't have gotten the job without them.

I am happy, and that is all for tonight!

Interviews, Sleeping, and VBS

I meant to write yesterday to give an update, but I was simply too exhausted to think. For all of you wanting to know, my interview went well yesterday. I had an interview for an administrative assistant position at Bethel for Career Services. It seems as though it would be perfect for me. Full time, benefits, 9-5, fun people, challenging... everything I've been looking for since I graduated. I feel like I handled the questions well, and those ladies are always fun to be around. I should find out by the end of the week, so cross your fingers! I'm still hesitant to get excited, but we'll see what happens!

The night before my interview, I had the strangest experience. I could not fall asleep for the life of me. When I was younger, I used to have problems falling asleep. My mind wouldn't turn off, and I would find myself staring at the clock watching the minutes pass by. Then I would get scared and lonely because I was the only one awake in my house, so it usually resulted in me running to get my mom. I haven't thought about those days in a long time, until the other night. It wasn't quite the same experience. I wasn't scared or lonely. And though my mind was running a little bit when I first laid down at 10, I had stopped soon after. For some reason, my body would not rest. I tossed and turned. I finally checked the clock and saw that it was after midnight! Then I panicked. There's no other word for it. I had no idea I had been in bed for that long without sleeping. I should add that I had to be up at 4:30am to make it to work at 6. All I wanted was to get enough sleep for my interview. And I realized that I would be getting around 4 hours of sleep. My first instinct was to immediately call Anthony. I woke the poor guy up just to tell him that I was panicked and couldn't sleep. He, of course, was encouraging through the sleepiness. I quickly realized that I was being silly, and told him to go back to sleep. I got up to get a drink, and my mom found me. That's when the flashback happened. I suddenly found myself crying with my mom for the first time in a long time. I felt like a pathetic little girl, but at the same time, it was comforting. I managed to sleep pretty well after that. And only by God's grace I was fine the next day. I think the Lord was trying to tell me that I do not have control of the situation, and my success or failure is not in my hands.

I've also had the joy of being a part of Cedar Road's VBS this week. I was worried about it last week because I was unsure if we could pull it together with so few volunteers. But, we managed to decorate the room in the outer space theme, and I think it looks pretty cool. We put confetti all over the floor to add some extra sparkle. However, the kids like to use it as a distraction. Other than that, it's been going surprisingly well. Even with few volunteers, we've managed to pull it off. And I think the kids are having fun. My favorite part is the discussion time afterwards. Even though they are young, they can still have amazing insight. And even when you don't think they're listening, they always surprise you.

Ok, this entry is getting long enough.

Oh! But I forgot one more thing from last week! Anthony and I booked a condo for our honeymoon! At least, I don't I've written about it. It was so perfect because we were struggling to fit it in our budget. But when we called and talked to Mike, the guy who rents the condo, we asked if he could be at all flexible with the price. We were expecting maybe $50, but he knocked $200 off the price!! Just goes to show you that it never hurts to ask. Needless to say, we booked it!

Ok, now I'm really going to go. Peace out!

Emily

God Hates Bad Websites?

So, in Emily and I's study of Romans last night, we came across Romans 3:21-31 which some of the most exciting verses in the entire Bible. Though these verses are commonly used as condemning ("for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God") but there is much more hope than anything else. Sure, we may have fallen short of the glory of God, but do you understand what that means? We are actually have the potential to not fall short of the glory of God. Remember that we are in fact created in God's image and though we are currently marred, we will one day, through Christ, be restored to glory.

Anyway, Romans 3:22-24 is glorious. It says, "22 This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, 23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 and all are justified freely..." You see it? Yeah, all have sinned, but look what's before it and after it. "All who believe!" "All are justified!" It's beautiful and wonderful and deserves celebration.*

So, I was going to browse to the infamous godhatesfags.com, a website and church dedicated to declaring God's hatred for a variety of things, such as America, Mexico, Catholics, soliders, and lots of sinners. Upon my last perusing of this site, I found literature saying that the "world" in "For God so loved the world" did not refer to everyone in the word, but just some; that it's wrong and immoral to think that God loves everyone since we have verses such as "God loved Jacob but hated Esau"; heck, they even make up Bible verses, such as a non-existent phrase in Proverbs 1:22, "God doesn't love everyone, you simpleton" (Prov. 1:2).

However, I found it absolutely fascinating that their website (at least around midnight last night) just would not load. I couldn't get to their front page, their literature, anything. I just laughed and laughed at this fact. They who condemn so well can't get their own website to run. Which I suppose in the end is a good thing (though it might be running right now, I can't tell because Bethel blocked parts of it). But anyway, I might have to start a new website, godhatesbadwebsites.com.


*And no, I'm not preaching universalism in the sense that no matter what you think about Jesus, you're going to heaven. However, I am saying that everyone, absolutely everyone, has salvation, justification, redemption, all of that available to them, as long as they believe or, as Paul puts it, follow the "law of faith."

Affairs

I read an article on Time's website today that made me infuriated and sad and encouraged and depressed all at the same time.


In her 30 years of counseling couples, Mira Kirshenbaum has discerned 17 reasons that people have extramarital affairs. In a near majority of couples, one partner will cheat on the other at some point. In her new book, When Good People Have Affairs: Inside the Hearts & Minds of People in Two Relationships (St. Martin's), Kirshenbaum explains the reasons and offers some helpful — and sometimes surprising — advice on how to manage the consequences.

Hmm, this ought to be interesting, and so I read on into an article in which a Time writer and this counselor go back forth in a Q&A. Here's where I got angry.

TIME: Should you confess if you feel guilty about [the affair]?

No. I've got to tell you that this is very, very important. I'm a person who is just an advocate of truth. I really will do anything to tell the truth, so it took me a long time to get to the point where I say, just don't tell. Because how does it make a person less guilty to inflict terrible pain on someone? Which is exactly what the confession does. It puts the other person in a permanent state of hurt and grief and loss of trust and an inability to feel safe, and it doesn't alleviate your guilt. Your relationship is dealt a potentially devastating blow. Honesty is great, but it's an abstract moral principle.... The higher moral principle, I believe, is not hurting people.

I'll admit that it's definitely an interesting moral principle. Causing pain is certainly something to be avoided. Obviously the best way to avoid this pain is by not having the affair at all. And though having a affair and never letting the spouse know many avoid their pain, momentarily, there are obviously some other things to keep in mind.

But here's the kicker to this whole article. The question immediately above the one you just read is...

TIME: Do most people get caught?

Yes. Inevitably there are slip-ups...it's just heartbreaking. So it all blows up eventually.

So this woman with her 30 years in counseling knows that people get caught in affairs. And yet in her spectacular wisdom, she tells all the readers of Time Magazine that the better idea is to keep affairs a secret.

I'm befuddled as to how Christian moral thinkers and philosophers are made fun of consistantly in the media, and yet this idiot gets published in Time. If you know that more than likely get caught, then isn't it a better idea to come clean yourself then to be discovered? She may be right that confessing to your spouse will not magically get rid of guilt--but neither will not telling!

I'm sorry, am I the only one who thinks this lady is just amazingly dumb?

Here's the article: Why We Have Affairs — And Why Not to Tell

Happy Day

Today was a surprisingly happy day for a Monday. For one, I found $23 wadded up in the draw in my nightstand! I was so excited. I kept trying to think if there was any reason I would have stashed some cash there, but I can think of none. So yay for some extra money!

Though I worked today, it was only for 4 hours, and afterward I was able to accomplish some things for VBS (Anthony and I are in charge of drama... eek). After Anthony got off work, he took me out to dinner :) It's been a long time since just the two of us went out to eat. We went to Famous Dave's and shared some yummy ribs. I'm very happy that they re-opened. After dinner, we stopped by Hallmark (my place of employment) to browse through some invitations. They have "employee days" from the 16th-20th when they give all employees 50% off of anything. We're trying to take advantage of that and order our invitations, but the date has kind of snuck up on us. I realized this past weekend that in order to buy invitations, we have to finish up the guest list and think about wording and all kinds of things. Fortunately, we were able to look some tonight, and we actually narrowed it down! We have a few different choices, but I think we have a favorite, so yay for us!

I'm hesitant to write about this next topic for fear that it won't happen. But, here I go anyway. I've applied for an administative assistant job at Bethel for the Career Services. For some reason, I'm really excited about the possibility of this job. It would be full time with benefits. Anthony and I would be able to live on one car between the two of us. And it just feels right. I've had plenty of people put in a good word for me, and I was just called today for an interview next Monday (the 21st). I'm trying not to get too excited because I've been turned down too many times before. But, it would be such a relief to not have to work at Hallmark any longer and to have an actual job. So, if you think about it, pray for me next Monday.

I think that's about all to my day thus far. I feel as though I'm in super planning mode. I'm juggling a lot of wedding stuff this week (invitations, engagement pictures, honeymoon stuff-condos and plane tickets) as well as VBS, work, and trying to get to Kalkaska this weekend for Jamie's birthday. So much to do, so little time. I'm glad, though, to have projects to work on. Especially fun ones like these. I've really been enjoying the honeymoon planning. We get to plan a vacation for just the two of us! We're looking to maybe buy plane tickets this week (no, boys, you can't know where we're going), and I think that will just cement everything so much more. Craziness.

Ok, I can stop babbling now. Much love,

Emily

Romans

So Emily and I are going through the book of Romans together. I warned her that this might be a dangerous idea since so many crazy things happen when people read Romans: Augustine of Hippo becomes a Christian; Martin Luther starts a Reformation; Karl Barth writes influential theology books. And I think that people need to read Romans a bit more often, as evidenced by a conversation today with my boss.

ME: Well, Jesus was the second Adam.
BOSS: You said that Jesus was the second Adam? I'm not sure what I think about that. I think I've heard that before, though.
ME: Yeah, Paul wrote it. It's from Romans.

So, here's a question for you faithful readers (all five of you): do you want my notes on Romans to be put here on the blog or do you not care? Would it just be taking up valuable cyberspace?

Engagement Pictures

I have a confession: I'm glad it's raining today. Now that isn't much of a confession, but you have to realize why I'm glad it's raining.

You see, today Emily and I are supposed to take engagement pictures outside somewhere. But because it's raining, that more than likely won't happen.

Now don't get me wrong. I am absolutely looking forward to looking all cutesy with my bride-to-be, staring into each other's eyes, giving each other pecks on the check, and whatnot. But you have to understand a couple of things. One, we're having Emily's father take the photos. Two, we've always done all cutesy stuff by finding the corner of the house furthest away from Emily's parents; now that caution is thrown to wind and he's taking pictures of this whole lovey-dovey ordeal!

I do seriously love John's photography and am looking forward to him doing both engagement pictures as well some of the wedding shots. But give me a break! It's a big step from being cute in private to being cute with father-in-law and a camera before you.

Software

People have made comments to me for a long time that I use and find some of the coolest software and they wonder where I get it. So here's a shortlist of the free software that I use and where you can get it.

1) AVG Anti-virus
If you use McAfee or Norton anti-virus--stop it. These programs are bloated and will simply slow your computer down, giving you more headaches than most viruses I've encountered.For a free solution that stays up-to-date, has a pretty small footprint on computer resources, check out AVG Free, produced by Grisoft. Over the past 5 years I have used this program I have never had a virus. Strange but true, I know. Now of course I'm not going to guarantee that you never will either, but its reliable and never requires a subscription. Check it out.Download: http://free.avg.com/ww.download?prd=afe

2) PC Tools Spyware Doctor Starter Edition
I'll admit this isn't a program I've used long enough to swear by it (like AVG) but it is reliable and easy on the system resouces. For all you Spybot and Ad-Aware users out there: it's time to catch up. They just don't do the tricks they used to.This program protects you from both adware and spyware and removes it when it (inevitably) gets onto your computer.

Download: http://www.download.com/Spyware-Doctor-Starter-Edition/3000-8022_4-10704508.html

3) CCleanup
Whether you want it to happen or not, junk gets onto your computer. Temp files, Internet cache, and other miscellaneous junk just piles up. Not only that but your registry gets all screwed up too (the file that Windows uses to keep track of everything on your computer and what it does). This small program cleans up all of that with 4 simple clicks of the mouse. This may be for more advanced users, however, so don't use this unless you know what you're doing.

Download: http://www.filehippo.com/download_ccleaner/

4) CutePDF
This may make my uncle who works at Adobe turn in his grave (if he were dead), but if you need or want to write PDFs without spending hundreds of dollars on fancy Acrobat software, this is what you need. No, this not a place to discuss why you are writing PDFs, I just assume that you are. Basically CuteWriter creates a printer that you "print" to from any program that you could print from - Word, Internet Explorer, etc. It then gives you the option of what you want to name your PDF and where you would like to save it to.

Download: http://www.cutepdf.com/Products/CutePDF/writer.asp

5) FoxIt Reader
Speaking of PDFs, you probably use Adobe Acrobat Reader to read them. Well, that's a bad idea. It's ungodly slow and immensely huge (Reader 9 uses 210 MB of space; compare that to Windows 98 which used 250).Instead of that massive monstrousity of a program, use the 2.13MB FoxIt reader. It's rendered every PDF I've thrown at it just fine. It's faster than you can probably imagine if you use Adobe Reader. It's pretty much a no-brainer.Download: http://www.foxitsoftware.com/downloads/

6) Mozilla FirefoxIf you're viewing this using Internet Explorer, then we really need to sit down and have a chat. I threatened to quit my job if my boss didn't start using Firefox (okay, so it was in jest, but it actually did the trick!). Microsoft's browser is slow and prone to security problems. That's all there is to it. Firefox renders pages much faster, is less prone to hacks, adware, and spyware (but again, no software is perfect), and just simply powerful.What do I mean by powerful? I'm referring to the thousand of Add-ons that people write for Firefox. Be it for blocking advertisements, bookmarking, Windows Updates, downloading, weather, searching, fixing ".ocm" to ".com", browsing media, or just about anything else you can think of, it's out there.Use Firefox. Please.

Download: www.mozilla.com

7) Digsby
Digsby is an amazing software. It is a chat-client that puts everyone else to shame. It integrates MSN, AIM, Yahoo, and Google Talk into one program. It also will check your email, give you status updates for your facebook, Twitter, or MySpace account, and will also serve you coffee. Okay, I lied about the coffee. But you get my point. It's purely amazing.

Download: http://www.digsby.com

8) RealAlternative
It's rare that you come across a file that needs to use RealPlayer, but they're still out there, unfortunately. However, RealPlayer has been marked as Malware by several websites that keep track of that sort of thing (it tracks your movements online without your permission, adds software that you don't need, etc.). So, for your own good use RealAlternative. Of course, if you don't ever see or use Real files, then why do you care?

Download: http://www.free-codecs.com/download/real_Alternative.htm

9) Tune-Up Utilities
Unfortunately this gem isn't free, however it is a must have for any computer-fixer-up guy or gal. I cannot tell you how many times people have come in with miscellaneous problems on their PC. I use the tools in this software (start-up manager, registry cleaner, file cleaner, PC optimizer, uninstaller) and voila have a fixed computer.Though it isn't free, it does have a 30-day trial. But if you're ever having troubles with your computer or just notice it being slower than usual, you just need it for 1 day anyway. Download it, use it, uninstall it, and be happy. Again, this is suggested only to advanced users.

Download: www.tune-up.com (you don't have to fill out the e-mail form, btw)

10) CDBurnerXP
If you don't feel like shelling out the bucks for gigantic, slow, obnoxious burning suites (Roxio and Nero, I'm looking at you) this is the way to go. It burns .ISOs, copy's CDs, data, MP3, music, whatever you throught at it basically.

Download: http://cdburnerxp.se/en/download

10) Everything Else
For the software that doesn't really need a description...

• Codecs - K-Lite Basic - http://www.free-codecs.com/K_Lite_Codec_Pack_download.htm
• Driver Updates, Backup - DriverMax - http://www.innovative-sol.com/drivermax/
• Creating Custom XP install CD - nLite - http://www.nliteos.com/download.html

If you have any questions, you know what to do...ask!

Book Review: Redeeming Love, Francine Rivers

It's not that I fancy myself an authority on good writing and what makes a good book. I just need something to write about while waiting for the more exciting times of my life (uh, hello? Can you say "marriage"?!), so why not the book I just read.

This book was suggested to me by my fiancee Emily a couple of years ago. I have a tendency to fail in reading what she suggests, however, and so it took two years and an upset fiancee to finally get me to read it. It was described to me as simply a "retelling of the story of Hosea and Gomer." If, of course, you don't know that story, then you should put down your laptop and pick up your Bible and read at least the first three chapters of Hosea. It's a beautiful tale.

But what the Bible lacks in breathtaking detail and wiz-bang writing, Francine Rivers packs in. Redeeming Love is overall an exquisite tale of, well, redeeming love. Michael, a simple farmer living in 1840's California, is told by God to fall in love with Angel. It would seem to be no hard task--she's beautiful and one of the few women out in the gold-rushed West. Problem is, she's a prostitute, hardened by a marred career and a sexually-abused past.

I recently watched the movie 27 Dresses. I couldn't enjoy the otherwise amusing movie simply because I had no compassion for the protagonist. She was a compulsive people-pleaser who eventually took out her anger in a terrible way. You would expect to feel the same way about Angel, a prostitute who refuses to be loved by the man who saved her life and is showing her true, God-pained love. She leaves Michael over and over again, usually intending to return to her life of prostitution. However, I had the uttermost pity on a girl who was so swallowed up by her past that she couldn't see hope staring her right in the face.

The book - just as Hosea 1-3 does - reminds us that no one is unworthy of forgiveness or love. No one. Michael is truly a hero for the fact that he never leaves Angel or forsakes her. Reminds me of a Savior I know who, for whatever reason, doesn't forsake me whenever I screw up.

In terms of critique, the book waxed a bit long, especially considering an epilogue that wrapped up too many loose-ends all at once, something that could have been done much more eloquently in a more tightly edited script. The book definitely does not follow a typical five-point plot structure as well, which is both good and bad for the reader. On the one hand, you're never really sure where the plot is going...but then again, you're never really sure where the plot is going.

Overall, this book needs to be read both by those who are struggling to forgive others and by those who are struggling to forgive themselves. The fact is, there is hope for all, no matter what you've done or has been done to you.

Overall 4/5

What Makes You Angry

I watched one of the newer Nooma videos today over lunch. It was called "Store" and it was about anger. I thought Pastor Bell brought up a good point. He said something like this.

Whenever we're trying to help someone find out what they should do with their lives, we usually ask what it is they love, what it is that makes them "come alive," so to speak. But what if we started asking, instead, what is it that makes you angry? What is it that, when you see it, makes you say, "That's not right. Somebody should do something about this!"

He tells the story of a man who needs healed and the Pharisees are seeing whether or not Jesus will break the Sabbath and heal this man. Jesus asks, "Is it better to do evil [i.e. not healing] or to do good?" The Pharisees, because of the hardness of their hearts, say nothing. At which point, Jesus gets angry. And what does He do in His anger? He heals the man.

How great would it be if, when we got angry, good things happened? That when we got angry, we could cause there to be less pain, less suffering in the world, not more?What is it that makes you angry? What is it that someone should do something about? Have an answer? I think you've discovered your life call.

Life in General

It's July today, for those who haven't looked at their calendar today. I'm a brilliant observer, I know. This summer is flying by! And without my permission! I mean, I haven't even had the chance to make it to the beach yet! So many summer-type things to do, and it's already July. I guess I just need to be more intentional.

Life has been going well lately. Nothing too exciting, if you can't tell by my rant on the date. I don't do much besides work and lounge around. Sometimes I'm lucky enough to lounge with other people. Sometimes, I have to entertain myself. But overall I'm enjoying it. I'm ready to attack some more wedding stuff, though. We were so hard core about it last month, but we've taken a break and now I'm ready to go back at it. Anthony and I just need to have time to talk and make decisions. Finding time when we are both free is the issue. But hopefully it will happen soon.

I've also recently been hit with a phenomenon that has never happened to me before (this might be an exaggeration, but it's mostly true); I have been struggling with contentedness (is that a word? I think so. I think I'm losing all my intelligence now that I'm out of school). I have always been the kind of person to really, truly enjoy where I am. I'm not one to dwell too much in the past or be too anxious about the future. When I was in high school, I enjoyed being in high school. Sure, I was excited about college when it happened, but I was never one of those people who couldn't wait to get out of here. The same rang true for college. I just have always enjoyed being where I am when I'm there. Recently, however, I find myself so impatient for the next part of my life. I feel like I'm in some sort of limbo, just passing time until Anthony and I get married and start "real" life. I know this isn't true. I know that I should cherish this time with my family and this time with barely any bills. Yet, sometimes I just get so dang impatient. I want to be married. I want to have a place of my own to live. And gosh darn it, I want a real job! Sounds selfish, huh? But I think God's working on me and my attitude to see His hand in my life. Maybe someday I won't be so selfish in my thinking. It's a slow process with someone stubborn like me.

On a brighter and more exciting note (if you're still reading this awfully long post), I get to see some wonderful people that I love on Thursday!! And I get to enjoy and evening out at a baseball game watching fireworks. What I thought was a small event that maybe a couple people could come to, has turned into a reunion of sorts with people coming from out of town. Now I have a full house on Thursday night for a great sleepover, and I am very excited. So I have some good things to look forward too, even if I do work on the fourth and even if I do work all day Saturday.

Ok, I should stop before I ramble on to eternity. Hope all is well in cyberspace. Or at least with you, Anthony, since you are the only person I know of who reads this :)

Adios!